Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
