Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
