Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize