Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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