Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
