That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
