Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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