I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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