this beer tastes like vomit already
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
