garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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