I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
