I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
