I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
