Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
