He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
