nut hugger
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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