I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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