is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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