You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
