then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
