i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
