Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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