The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
