there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
