He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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