Your tits are I can't wait for
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We got so high we made milksteak
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
