I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
