At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
