the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
