It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
