we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the condom got lost in my hair
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
