im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
