summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
