Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
