she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
