New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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