I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
