sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
