Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
