i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
