it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
