so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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