Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
