she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
