Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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