Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
