Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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