Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
this beer tastes like vomit already
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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