Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
