were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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