i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
