I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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