Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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