Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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