My first STD was from a foam party
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
