when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
