I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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