My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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