i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
