She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
