i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
