Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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