3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
