just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
