either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I pour the whiskey from now on
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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