You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
