Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We left the knife in your bed.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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