I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
