Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
