I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
