Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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